Sunday, 12 April 2015

News with a twist #1

Whether it be tragic or trashy, powerful or pretty pointless, we've all seen and read the news. In a time where it can be accessed 24 hours a day, on any device you so wish to use, it can actually be pretty hard to keep up with everything that's going on, both nationally and internationally. This is where 'News with a twist' comes in... Your brand new weekly source of all the most important news...although if you believe that, you probably read the Daily Mail. ENJOY!

YOUNG FEMALE DYES HER HAIR
Least popular member of the Kardashians, Kylie Jenner, has dyed her hair this week - I know, crazy. You know what's even crazier? It's TEAL. What an absolute tyrant, honestly.


MAN HAS HAD GIRLFRIENDS AND IS NOW MARRIED
Sources have revealed that leader of the Labour party, Ed Miliband has had at least 5 girlfriends in his lifetime. Worse still, a couple of these women had mutual friends and even had the cheek to have similar interests. He is now married and thankfully, both he, his wife and his two kitchens are very happy together. Phew.


BRITISH POPULATION REMEMBER WHAT THE SUN IS
This week, the UK has experienced what many seem to think was a heatwave, reaching tropical temperatures as high as 17 degrees*. Many believed it to be suitable weather to wear a range of summer clothing items, such as flip-flops, shorts and vest tops - it was not.
*Please do not be alarmed, normal practise has now resumed and it is raining once again.



CADBURY'S AT CENTRE OF CONFECTIONARY SCANDAL
Robbing bastards at Cadbury's have decided to take it upon themselves to reduce each packet of Fingers to 22, down from 24 previously, with prices staying the exact same. Those at The Daily Mail took the news hard, and thankfully, carried out a full investigation which discovered absolutely nothing.

REALITY STAR MEETS IMMIGRANT-HATING MAN
Joey Essex has this week met Nigel Farage, deciding to be followed around by a camera crew whilst enjoying a boat trip. It seemingly has had no impact on anyone or anything, with noone knowing the actual purpose of it - time well spent.


That was a vast amount of important news for a Sunday night. You are now well equipped for the week ahead, you're welcome.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Blog design by aleelily designs | Powered by Blogger.